this saturday.....

Still here.
Still sad....grateful for the gift of sister-friends {I only have brothers, so I picked my own sisters...it worked out a treat}, an amazing husband and the best bloggie friends EVER.

My friend took her own life.
Not because she wanted to.
Her mind tricked her into thinking it was the only way to ease her pain.
I can tell you that now because it's public knowledge.
So, so desperately sad.

Everybody tried to help her, but it was a sudden, frightening and unexpectedly volatile episode that not even she could grasp.
I had to go to the police station on Wednesday and collect her belongings.
Her wedding ring, the necklace she always wore, her handbag full of the mundane detritus that us women all seem to carry around with us.
It was all just so matter-of-fact.
I thought I could just walk in and grab the package, but they actually make you inspect and sign for every single item. Ugh.
It was okay....just incredibly surreal.

She was beautiful.
She counselled girls with eating disorders with great success but was heartbroken over the ones who could never recover.
She loved her family passionately.
She loved her friends generously.
She loved Jesus with all her heart.

But she was stolen from us.
That's how it feels.

I have a big Liz shaped hole in my heart at the moment.  I know it will get smaller and I'll cherish it in time instead of resent it.
I've been here before, when my darling Dad died unexpectedly.
It diminishes, but never entirely disappears.
Which is as it should be.

I'm listening to lots of praise and worship music.
And some scary 80's music.
From the mouths of babes:  Missy Moo said to me a couple of days ago "Do you think perhaps sometimes older people's minds get broken because of all that weird 80's music?".  Classic.

Looking forward to posting about normal, silly stuff again.
Next week.
Thanks for being you.

Meredy xo